How much am I allowed to hate JJ Abrams? Being mainly a producer it’s nebulous how much influence his lobotomizing midas touch has, but I would like to hate him the maximum allowable amount. Judging him by Lost & Fringe he should never do TV again.  Flashing us with glimpses of his lobes, promising powerful long-lasting mysteries, but he always seems to fade once I’ve going a real brainer on leaving me with just misdirection and retconning. Are you commitment phobic? Do you not plan shit out? That’s fine for something like Cloverfield, which I did enjoy. You get one buy-in from me: Big monster tromps around NYC. Sure, ok, fun. (And apparently Super 8 is pretty great.) But with TV I’m not going to repeatedly buy-in to your mysteries if you never pay out. What am I getting out of watching your shows besides a painful case of mental blue balls? Die.

The unresolved mysteries JJ Abrams is terrible at, Dan Harmon and David X. Cohen are brilliant at. They answer questions you’ve barely managed to ask and grounding those answers in characters you grow to love.

As someone who’s very self-critical and always looking for ways to challenge herself, I love and admire Dan Harmon. Most writers nail down their formula and then churn it out and the pressure they get saddled with is that of expectations. But the constant striving in Community is Harmon putting this pressure on himself. Community is constantly pushing, redefining the bounds of the show further and further outwards. Each episode of the second season takes so many chances comically it’s like watching a high wire act which thrills me to watch. Dan Harmon appeals to my inner self-flagellating writer who loves process and product and relishes expounding on both. So communicative and open, I’d love to marry him but I fear we’re too similar. I also get neurotic about what I do and either we’d be able to temper each other, or we’d just explode and burn each other out. Hopefully not the latter.

David X. Cohen is awesome. A light-hearted level headed Harvard educated geek whose the co-creator of my favorite TV show. And he’s adorable. I would definitely fuck him. Though I’m not sure if I could actually consummate it. This would probably be my reaction if I ever me him in real life. But I would certainly try!